Lovely Complex

Dear Sheryl,  I would like to dedicate this letter to you, for the times I've chosen to ignore and deny how you really feel inside, for the times I thought you'd be fine to handle yourself by sweeping everything to a corner. You've kept it all inside trying to act strong at most part, that I did not realised those act from triggers were manic episodes, slow steps that could have lead to the misery deep hole of depression. I'm sorry for not placing you and your happiness on priority lane among everything that I do, think, or decide on with.  I'm sorry for putting you in a difficult spot for yourself, that I made you stuck at the past with endless re-runs of memories that has ended - it had consumed most of you silently that made it worst.  I'm sorry for always giving you second thoughts with what-ifs, and focusing on what you solely wants to hear (lying to myself) even though that is not how it should be.  Just because you wanted to hear "yes" as the an...

If anybody would wonder how I have been so far...  Been living life at its most, thinking about the many different experiences that I’ve yet to get to.  Just came back from my tioman trip with my friends and brother. The lovely clear ocean, the sound of waves, the hiking, the waterfall, the bumpy road drive, and most importantly the gather and bond connection we had together through nature with almost zero wifi connection, was simply wonderful.  The ferry ride back was a very remarkable one. We did not expect a storm at all, and so the boat was super rocky and painful. We sat right at the first row of seat, were happy about the extra legroom... just didn't expect the storm and a rocky boat part at all. The front rows are usually the rockiest anyone can feel! Held in tightly to not vomit, two of my friends gave in.  And funnily in that rocky moment, a sudden realisation came into me. That I am doing exactly as what someone has told me once before that... life goes on....

So this Covid-19 pandemic hit has made me come back to this space again. Malaysia has entered its third phase (the sixth week) of movement control order. It is an uncertain time, and until the next government announcement this movement control order decision to be lifted or extended will only be known. For the past 5 weeks of partial lockdown, work is still as usual for me as fnb is an essential service. It’s only half a day in the office to settle some work to get things going, so it’s pretty alright with myself.  Regardless, I had a lot of time to myself after work are settled. I binged watch on movies and dramas that I missed, cried a lot with k-dramas, been cooking a lot and then amazes with myself when the dishes turn out better than expected, well I’m also on my bed most of the time hahahah. In between of those things, I take pauses to gather thoughts and to reflect upon. Looking right out to the sky through this big piece of window in my room with my earphone on, c...

Shapes and colors spin This kaleidoscope I’m in And suddenly all the pieces make sense Puzzles fell apart and I saw stories in the stars There’s so much to find than where I’ve been Oh the world, it turns, it turns along Yeah the world, it turns, it turns along And I know it won’t stop, I know it won’t stop I know it won’t stop Sheryl D x

Every food substances have an expiry date. But do love expired as well? Looking back, it feels like the people I met along the way has an expiry date invisibly attached on them. Some expired as short as weeks, while some expired in months or years. And the funny thing is, we just never know when is the last time somebody will participate in our life. When somebody decides that they no longer want to put effort in continuing a relationship or friendship, when life just happened that people lost in contact, or somebody move to another place, etc... these are things that is beyond our control hence there’s no specific formula to calculate the success rate of a relationship. You see, risk is what it takes it all. We take risk in knowing somebody deeper, allowing them into our personal space, being vulnerable and gamble if he/she could be the one. But we often forget that, the other party might not be certain - and this... is the part where people make decision to continue or to s...

Good night and good morning to you humans - it's 12:42am here. Job Status : Unemployed Current Status : Broke but trying to make a living  It's been 3 weeks since I've moved to the city of kl. Initially I wanted to move in once I secured a job, but a change of plan I decided to move in earlier though I couldn't land a job as soon as I thought. It was also for interview convenience purposes, as going back and forth from melaka to kl just for interviews is a waste of petrol & time and also it's only matter of time that I eventually move to kl. The market is quite slow in hiring at the moment since it's almost end of the year. Basically it's not the season of hiring :/ Still, no man should give up - nobody really knows how this luck thing works. I went for interview and more interviews, literally I'm at this waiting phase to get respond from companies. I do hope to get a call back from this particular company that I really wanted to work wit...